101 Jokes for Kids

  1. What did the painter say to the wall?
    I got you covered.
  2. How does the ocean say hello?
    It waves.
  3. Where do you learn to make banana splits?
    At sundae school.
  4. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
    To go with the traffic jam.
  5. How do you make a tissue dance?
    You put a little boogie into it.
  6. What do elves learn at school?
    The elf-abet.
  7. Why did the class clown take a computer to her teacher?
    Her mom told her to bring an apple for her teacher.
  8. Why was the math book sad?
    Because it had so many problems.
  9. What did one penny say to another penny?
    We make cents.
  10. What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
    Fish and ships.
  11. Why would Snow White make a great judge?
    Because she was the fairest in the land.
  12. How do you make a fire with two sticks?
    Make sure one is a match.
  13. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
    A spelling bee.
  14. What’s a cow’s favorite holiday?
    Moo Year’s Day.
  15. What did Delaware?
    A New Jersey.
  16. What did the calculator say to the math student?
    You can count on me.
  17. How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?
    When it’s full.
  18. What did the 0 say to the 8?
    Nice belt.
  19. Why did the tree go to the dentist?
    It needed a root canal.
  20. How do they serve smart hamburgers?
    On honor rolls.
  21. Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?
    She was caught taking a break.
  22. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
    A stick.
  23. Why was Cinderella thrown off the baseball team?
    Because she ran away from the ball.
  24. What’s an astronaut’s favorite candy?
    A Mars bar.
  25. What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?
    A ruler.
  26. What happened when the monster ate the electric company?
    He was in shock for a week.
  27. What’s the tallest building in the world?
    A library, because it has so many stories.
  28. Why did the banana go to the hospital?
    Because it wasn’t peeling well.
  29. When is a baseball player like a spider?
    When he catches a fly.
  30. Why was the football game so hot?
    Because all of the fans left.
  31. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
    In case he got a hole in one.
  32. What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
    Nacho cheese.
  33. Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?
    At forks in the road.
  34. What do you give a lemon in distress?
  35. Have you heard the joke about the butter?
    I better not tell you…it might spread.
  36. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
    A stega-snore-us.
  37. What do postal workers do when they get mad?
    Stamp their feet.
  38. Why did the cow go to outer space?
    To see the Milky Way.
  39. What do you call a story about a broken pencil?
  40. Why is tennis such a loud game?
    Because the players each raise a racquet.
  41. Why couldn’t the pony sing?
    Because she was a little hoarse.
  42. What do cows do for entertainment?
    Go to the moo-vies.
  43. What did Tennessee?
    The same thing Arkansas.
  44. Why did the melon jump into the lake?
    Because it wanted to be a watermelon.
  45. Why did the computer squeak?
    Because someone stepped on its mouse.
  46. What did the judge say to the dentist?
    Do you swear to tell the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
  47. Who earns a living by driving her customers away?
    A taxi driver.
  48. What kind of music do the planets listen to?
  49. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
    Because 7, 8, 9.
  50. What has four wheels and flies?
    A garbage truck.
  51. Why did the crab find a new home?
    Because he had claws-trophobia.
  52. What does a Triceratops sit on?
    It’s Tricera-bottom.
  53. What is black when clean and white when dirty?
    A chalkboard.
  54. What is the world’s longest punctuation mark?
    The hundred-yard dash.
  55. Why was the boy sitting on his watch?
    He wanted to be on time.
  56. What do frogs order when they go out to eat?
    French flies.
  57. What has three letters and starts with gas?
    A car.
  58. What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
  59. Why couldn’t the bike stand up?
    It was too tired.
  60. What did one wall say to another?
    I’ll meet you at the corner.
  61. Where do pencils go on vacation?
  62. Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?
    He wanted to win the no-bell prize.
  63. Why did the opera singer go sailing?
    She wanted to hit the high Cs.
  64. Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?
    To see how long he slept.
  65. What did the lightbulb say to its mother?
    I love you watts and watts.
  66. What two things can’t you have for breakfast?
    Lunch and dinner.
  67. What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?
    You’re the one bright spot in my life.
  68. What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
    A tuba toothpaste.
  69. What kind of potato chips fly?
    Plane ones.
  70. What do you call two banana peels?
  71. What’s the slipperiest country?
  72. What do lawyers wear in court?
  73. Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
    Because he wanted to go to high school.
  74. What did one egg say to the other?
    You crack me up.
  75. Why wouldn’t the fly land on the computer?
    Because it was afraid of the world wide web.
  76. What do planets like to read?
    Comet books.
  77. What kind of underwear do reporters wear?
    News briefs.
  78. What has a bed you can’t sleep in?
    A river.
  79. What did the boat say to the pier?
    What’s up, dock?
  80. What washes up on small beaches?
  81. What kind of dress can’t be worn?
    An address.
  82. What do you call a young army?
    An infantry.
  83. What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?
    They’ve both got a lot of dough.
  84. What is a tree’s favorite drink?
    Root beer.
  85. What do you call a T. rex wearing cowboy boots and a 10-gallon hat?
    Tyrannosaurus Tex.
  86. What did the dog say to the flea?
    Stop bugging me.
  87. Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?
    The batter.
  88. Why did the drum take a nap?
    It was beat.
  89. Which runs faster: hot or cold water?
    Hot, because you can catch a cold.
  90. Why did the football player go to the bank?
    To get his quarterback.
  91. What do you call a fake noodle?
    An impasta.
  92. What did the calendar write in its will?
    Its days were numbered.
  93. When is a door not a door?
    When it’s ajar.
  94. What runs around a yard without moving?
    A fence.
  95. How did Benjamin Franklin feel after discovering electricity?
  96. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
    It was feeling crumb-y.
  97. Why did the man take a pencil to bed?
    He wanted to draw the curtains.
  98. Why did the belt go to jail?
    Because it held up a pair of pants.
  99. Why did the thief take a shower?
    He wanted to make a clean getaway.
  100. What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?
    No, thanks. I’m stuffed.
  101. In what school do you learn to greet people?
    Hi school.
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